Sponsor Couple, NFP, & Marriage Prep

John and I have been meeting with our sponsor couple and working on other marriage prep requirements for a few months now.


As part of our marriage prep through St. Vincent de Paul (SVdP) down here in Houston, we meet with a sponsor couple 5 times over the course of 6 months and discuss various topics relating to marriage (aka the good life after tying the knot). Topics have included prayer, finances, sex, family, communication... and things of that nature. It's been really nice discussing these major players in marriage with an older, more experience, really neat Catholic couple. They're in their early 30s and have been married for 10 years now. They're super friendly and artsy, and have given us some great advice about the road we're about to travel.

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In case you're curious about Catholic marriage prep, I'll list some of the other things we've had to do in our preparation. We had to take that FOCCUS test (I mentioned it in a post a long time ago), meet with a deacon at SVdP twice to discuss said test's results, collect various pieces of paperwork (baptismal, first communion, and confirmation certificates, and affidavit's from both sets of parents), read and reflect in a question-and-answer book called "For Better and Forever" to accompany visits with our sponsor couple, and attend an Natural Family Planning (NFP) class. 


Let me talk for a second about the NFP class I went to. It was eye opening. There are many different forms of NFP, but I had heard a lot about the Creighton Model and decided to attend a class on that one. In 45 minutes, I learned more about my girly cycle than I've ever known up 'til now in my 24 years of life, and I'm shocked at how it all works... and how little most women know about it. Did you know that with simple daily observations you can figure out whether or not you're fertile? And the majority of the time, ladies, you're not fertile. If you track your cycle well, and abstain from "loving relations" (wink... if you know that I mean) for just a few days every month, you can avoid ALL forms of contraception FOREVER! And studies have shown that when done correctly, the Creighton Model is 99.5% effective in helping couples avoid pregnancy. Better yet, when you do decide to have kids, it can help you figure out if you have problems with fertility, why they exist (if they do), and what needs to be done to fix the problems (if possible). And all it takes are a few daily observations! 

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Whew, I got a little carried away with my NFP explanation, but I was seriously shocked by most of what I learned in the class. It was great! I wish all women knew more about their cycles and how our bodies naturally work to achieve/avoid pregnancy. It's all prettttty darn neat. SCIENCE!


So, that's the bulk of the Catholic marriage prep. Most churches offer a weekend engaged encounter retreat or 6-month long series of classes in place of the sponsor couple, but we're super happy with the choice we made. We've gotten so much out of our marriage prep, and especially from our sponsor couple. In our opinion, the church (at least SVdP) has done a great job in creating programs to prepare their engaged couples for the beautiful, life-long, life-giving, serious, and sacred sacrament of marriage. So, no complaints here. Only smiles. 






*My apologies if I've come off as overly Catholic in this post. I'm just really excited about all the great things the church has done right for John and me in our marriage prep and wish to share with anyone who wants to listen :) 

Marriage Prep

John and I started our marriage prep at St. Vincent de Paul Parish in Houston, TX this past weekend. Coincidentally, John and I met at speed dating put on by the St. Vincent de Paul Foundation as a found raiser. Oh, and we got engaged 4 days before St. Vincent de Paul's feast day. Perhaps St. Vincent is the patron saint of our marriage. And making him an even more appropriate choice as our wedding's patron saint, he is considered patron saint of hospitals (where John works day-in and day-out) and volunteers (I was a part of the Jesuit Volunteer Corps for 2 years, during which I met John), among many other things. We have a saint on our side. Neat!


I was thinking I should write about the whole marriage prep process, as it's a huuuuge part of the wedding preparation for both John and me. Yes, it's true that there's a lot of physical stuff to prepare for the marriage during our engagement (e.g. dress, tux, flowers, decorations, reception venue, cake, hotels, etc.), but more important than any of this is the preparation of ourselves spiritually and emotionally. We're both in this for a lifetime, so we have to make sure we're ready for that come the big day more than anything else.


On Saturday, we arrived at the St. Vincent de Paul Parish Center around noon to take the FOCCUS test - a 156-question pre-marriage inventory. After bride and groom take the test (separately), the scantron-like answer sheets are shipped off, analyzed somewhere by some computer system, and sent back to be reviewed by priest and couple. Well, we haven't gotten our results yet, but look forward to seeing them. The test has questions that cover a variety of categories including lifestyle expectations, personality match, communication, religion and values, parenting, sexuality, marriage readiness, key problem indicators, and family origin. 


To take the test, you read each statement and either mark agree, disagree, or uncertain, depending on your personal feelings towards each statement. Here are some sample statements from the test (taken directly from U.S. Catholic Bishop's website):

1. We are in agreement about the husband and wife roles each of us expects of the other in our marriage relationship.
2. There are qualities about my future spouse that I do not respect.
3. We have discussed the ways our families solved problems and how this may affect our problem solving.
4. We disagree with each other over some teachings of the church.
5. My future spouse and I are open to having children.
6. I am concerned that in-laws may interfere in our marriage relationship.
7. My future spouse and I can talk about our sexual fears, hopes and preferences.
8. We are in agreement about how we will make financial decisions between us.
9. I sometimes feel that this may not be the right person for me to marry.
10. My future spouse and I agree that our marriage commitment means we intend to pledge love under all circumstances.

After answering 156 questions of that nature, you can imagine that you have quite a bit to discuss with your future-spouse. Well, John and I spent most of the rest of the day chatting about how we answered the questions, how we thought each other would have answered certain questions, and began to go over some of the topics we had never discussed before (mainly financial stuff). It was great! And that's the true purpose of the test anyway - it's not to tell you whether or not you should be getting married to this person, it's to get you talking about the big ticket marriage items before you sign up for a lifetime of marriage. 

So in a few weeks, we'll be getting our results and sitting down with a priest to discuss them. When the tests are analyzed, it gives you percentages based on how well you matched in each one of the major categories. If we don't match on some of the questions (which we've probably already discussed anyway), those questions get flagged by the test analyzing system and topics of discussion are printed out with the test based on the non-matchy stuff. 

Also, after the new year, we're going to be meeting with a sponsor couple. This well-established Catholic couple will be meeting with us 5 times to discuss all the topics that we briefly encountered on the FOCCUS test. They'll even meet with us a few months after the wedding to check in with us. We're looking forward to having this relationship with another Catholic couple in Houston, to see us through some of the most important months of our courtship :)

And I'll leave you with a hilarious story that involves a friend-couple of ours who went through the same marriage prep process as us before they were married. The groom of the couple, nicknamed D, encountered the statement on the FOCCUS test, "I have a problem with the amount of alcohol my future spouse consumes," and thought it would be funny to answer "agree," in that he wished she would drink more. Well, the bride, nicknamed V, did not think that this was funny. And V reeeeally didn't think it was funny when the priest who reviewed the test with them kept questioning her about her drinking problems. 

Oh, how fun it is to play little tricks on your future spouse, especially when a priest is involved. 

Rhody Love

Thanksgiving week was spent in Rhode Island with the fiance and my lovely family. We had so much fun doing a bunch of wedding related stuff, and it started immediately upon landing! We called a (free) Radisson shuttle from the airport and were taken directly to the hotel within 20 minutes of being in RI. It was great! The Radisson is actually right across the street from TF Green Airport so it will be suuuper convenient for our guests flying in from outta town.

We arrived at the Radisson and Linda (the wedding coordinator) welcomed us almost instantly. She showed us the cocktail room where guests will get delicious beverages and snack foods during a reception hour (... btw, we're renaming it "happy hour"). Then we saw the ballroom. It's perfect! It'll be a great space for one heckuva party. We then saw the courtyard which Linda said will probably have decorated trees - with strands of lights. I love this! It'll give such a magical feel to the courtyard.

After the tour, we sat down and chatted with Linda for a while about vendors, decoration ideas, and just life in general. She seems like a great chicka who's going to be a lot of help during this whole process.

My parents and sis (with Lindsey) joined us around 4:30pm at the Radisson for a sample tasting of our dinner choices for the wedding. It was so great to see my mom, my dad, my sis, and my niece after having been away from RI since June. And we all got to enjoy an amazing meal together. We tried so many delicious foods! Pesto pasta, tossed salads, steak, chicken, potatoes, veggies, and tons of desserts. By the end of the meal, were stuffed, but we pretty much knew exactly what we were going to pick for our 4-course wedding menu upon putting down the utensils. All I can say is, it's a meal to look forward to. Especially the dessert. Especially if you're a chocoholic.

The next morning, John and I headed to Christ the King Parish to meet with Fr. Matt for our pre-nuptual inventory. We attended noon mass first, then shared delicious greek food from International Pockets during our meeting/chat. Though he probably won't be saying our wedding mass, it was great to meet with Fr. Matt to get this first Catholic detail checked off our wedding prep list. Fr. Matt is such an awesome guy, so of course we had a great time. And John and I were smiling ear-to-ear as we answered the pre-nuptial questions. We're just so excited about marrying each other! And Fr. Matt totally picked up on the happiness.

Since the parish is basically on the URI campus, we picked up Jeff (little bro) and brought him back to the house with us for his Thanksgiving break... but not without stopping for some bubble tea first. Mmmm so yummy! We then headed home and had a wonderful night with my sis (Lauren) and her boyf (Dave) at The Remmington House for dinner and The Crowe Bar for drinks. And I got to see one of my bridesmaids at The Crowe Bar! Justine was there with her hubby, so we had a grand ol' time catching up and chatting about the schwedd. I hadn't seen her since her wedding over 2 years ago (since she lives in Maine), so it was so loverly to spend some QT with her.

The next day was Thanksgiving, which we spent with aunts and uncles on Mom's side of the fam. We spent time bonding with the relatives and John fit in perfectly. The evening was spent chatting, football watching, fooding, and playing hilarious games (e.g. Toss the Cookies).

The last day of our short vaca in RI was spent wedding dress shopping with Mom, Lauren, sister-in-law Meg, cousin and hairdresser Sarah, and bridesmaid Kate. I must have tried on 30 gowns. I'll give a more detailed gown-shopping account in my next post as it'll be all about the whoooole gown search.

After the unsuccessful gown shopping trip, my mom hosted a party at the house for all relatives and close family friends to meet John. No joke: John was the belle of the ball! He worked the crowd like you wouldn't believe. He was only by my side about 25% of the night. The rest of the time he spent getting to know my aunts and uncles and high school/college friends by chatting them up. He thought they were all quality people, and I think they felt the same? Can't wait for him to meet my dad's side of the fam!

Well, Rhody, I miss you already. Hopefully the next trip home (Christmas) will be just as fun! And hopefully there will be more wedding planning to do. I'm really liking this stuff!